I am BEYOND excited!!! I have been using ovulation tests to figure out if/when I would ovulate. My doctor thought that if I had ovulated last month, it would have been around day 20-21. We agreed I should keep testing myself as it would prove whether or not I can ovulate. After over a week of testing, I was thrilled for the first time ever to see a double line on Day 22, indicating I had ovulated. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

While this has not been an easy journey, I praise God for his goodness and faithfulness to me. I find myself quickly and easily falling into the woe is me trap, so it is great to have a friend who is with me in this journey reminding me of God's faithfulness, regardless of the outcome. My heart, mind and soul need to be that of Mary, saying I am the Lord's servant, and may He be glorified in me. (Luke 1:38)

A story that reminds me of this is in John 9:3, where Jesus heals a blind man. The disciples asked if it was because of the sin of the parents or the man that he was made blind. Jesus' answer is so touching, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." Whatever journey you are on, may we both be comforted that God is working through us to make himself known, if we will allow him.

I've thought this over so many times in my head. How would I begin? Would I show how vulnerable and weak I feel, or try to appear strong and in control, secure in the path that I am on? After reading http://us2.campaign-archive1.com/?u=f63562b3be485ea0ae33acf18&id=2d33e495af by Lysa Terkeurst, I was struck by "When Paul pleaded with the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh—the thing that made Paul feel weak—the Lord did not. Instead, the Lord reminded Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9a NIV)." The whole verse says "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I do feel like a strong person most of the time. But upon realizing that my PCOS is taking a stronger toll on me than I realized, it has made me feel weak, vulnerable, insecure, and unwomanly. I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me, I say this in hopes that if you struggle with PCOS or infertility, we might be a support and encouragement to one another. Each woman's journey is different. We may share similar ties to things, but the way we heal and the path we walk, will be unique between us and our Lord.

For a little perspective, I have been seeing the same naturopath for a little over 4 years. We got to the "maintenance" place. We agreed that when my husband and I were ready to begin trying to conceive, that I would be ready. When my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive, about a year later, my naturopath had stepped out of my health picture due to her own illness. It was time for my yearly check up, to make sure hormones, thyroid, etc, were all on track and would welcome new life. I sought a new naturopath who also is a midwife, in hopes that I could just stay with a trusted person my entire journey.

Upon
seeing her, we quickly figured out that there was more work to be done; which was devastating and overwhelming. Upon looking at all of my charts, she surmised that I was not ovulating (and tests proved she was right). She also figured out that not only have I been low in estrogen (after coming off the
estrogen for the first time in 4 years) but so is my progesterone. So we created a plan:

1. Change diet to include vegetables that detoxify and help promote natural estrogen. LOTS of Kale, bok choy, cabbage, garlic, etc. (I might write more about this later.)
2. Tinctures to help "gently nudge" the hormones to do what they are supposed to do. I take these 3 x a day and one tincture before ovulation and a different tincture after ovulation.
3. Improve digestion, which also effects hormones. (I make a chia seed pudding that makes me regular on a daily basis. Until now, that has never happened.)
4. Take myo-inositol to help improve blood sugar responses, thus helping my insulin resistance.
5. We figured out I am not ovulating, or if I am, it is extremely late. We are working on making this a regular thing by all the above mentioned processes, and by adding in high quality supplements for my prenatal and fish
oil. 
6. Take 1-2 tablets of Rhodiola daily to reduce the effects of stress on my adrenal glands.
7. Remove as many stress and toxin exposures as possible. I have change to glass tupperware and a stainless steel water bottle.
 
SO, that is the background. I will write more on the roller coaster that has been/is my life. To this end, I know God is faithful, I know that He is GOOD, and that He is using this for his glory! Walking with open hands  with one of the things I want most and knowing He may never have me bear children, is a process. I praise Him for his goodness in bringing me friends to  walk through this path of infertility on; especially when people say things  unknowingly causing me more pain. While I am on the beginningish of this journey and you may be wondering WHY I would go this deep this fast, I think what you need to know is that I do have HOPE. But my hope is NOT in God fixing my situation and allowing me to bear children. My HOPE is secure that He is with me each step of this journey, and that His will, will ultimately be accomplished. And as Moses said in Exodus 33:15, "And he said to him, "If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here."

Some other Scriptures that have brought me comfort as of late are:
 
- Isaiah 40:25-31 "To whom then will you compare me, that I should  be like him? says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
 
- 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 

- 1 Peter 5:10 "After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace,
who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself perfect, confirm,
strengthen and establish you." 

And one of the best things I have heard about pain lately, and sadly I can't remember who from is, "God has gifted us with pain, and it's time for us to make it a platform for worship." (emphasis mine) I will likely share more later how God has been teaching me how suffering is a gift.

Please keep in mind, at this time I have gone through 5 months of infertility. I am extremely emotional, and doing my best to trust the Lord, whatever His will is. I respectfully request if you do not have something kind/positive to say that does not support the possibility of not bearing children, your comment may be deleted. You cannot promise me something only the Master of the Universe can control.